There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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