I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
