I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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