Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
