pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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