i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
