You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
