He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
