he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
