Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
