didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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