Got a toothbrush?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
