Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
