i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
