no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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