I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
