I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
