Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your penis caused this!
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