so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
