"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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