Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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