i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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