I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
