Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Come share oat with me in your robe
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
