don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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