Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
