I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
