You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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