If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
