my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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