i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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