The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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