i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
