a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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