I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
