I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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