i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
