I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
