he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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