took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i think my cat just said my name.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
