I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
