I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
