The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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