DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
