my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
