I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
