she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize