eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
