Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
