i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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