that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
