What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
