she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need to stop coming to work sober
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
