I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Will exercising make me less horny?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
