Screwed.edu
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are two peas in an std pod
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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