You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
