just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
